if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize