I skipped work to stalk him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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