Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
