Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
