I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
