Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
