just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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