don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
