it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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