No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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