thus making me awesome and them whores
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
