now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we made out on top of his cat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
