both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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