Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
