We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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