He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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