My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
