i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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