I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
