Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
