I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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