my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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