She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
