Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
