my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
