So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
