Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
