My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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