either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
