Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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