Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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