he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
