Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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