home. puking in laundry basket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When did angry sex become our thing?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
