your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
