So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
