He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
