i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ladies don't puke and tell
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
