I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
