I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
