I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
