My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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