I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize