super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
