All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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