the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
