I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
smell my finger.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
