Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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