Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
