I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
