I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
