I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
