I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize