i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
