Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
