Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
