I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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