it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
MIDGETS
????
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
