yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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