At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
