oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
