The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
