So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
