I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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