fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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