I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
