Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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