think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
