what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
