Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
