So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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