im drinking this country out of the recession.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
