pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
