I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
