I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
