Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
