PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize