You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
