At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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