so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
